Top Ten Ways to tell your HMO is going bankrupt

10...Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9...Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8...Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

7...Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6...Only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."

5...Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4..."Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

3...The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2...With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little m's on them.

1...When you ask for Viagra, you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.