Symptoms and Cures When
Drinking Beer
Subscribers are invited to
submit Jokes etc to the newsletter.
Submit to
Newsletter
SYMPTOM:
Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT:
Glass empty.
ACTION:
Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT:
Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION:
Retire to gent's room, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM:
Feet cold and wet.
FAULT:
Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION:
Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM:
Feet warm and wet.
FAULT:
Improper bladder control.
ACTION:
Stand next to nearest dog, complain about her house
training. Demand beer.
SYMPTOM:
Floor blurred.
FAULT: You
are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION:
Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM:
Floor moving.
FAULT: You
are being carried out.
ACTION:
Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
SYMPTOM:
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You
have fallen over backward.
ACTION:
Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTOM:
Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You
have fallen forward.
ACTION:
See above.
SYMPTOM:
Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar
has closed.
ACTION:
Confirm home address with bartender
